Tag Archives: Homecoming

Connection

It seems every time I write lately what I write about comes up in what I read the next day and what I read about comes up in the talks at meditation. Not the topic and action that I start on, the deeper parts.
Today I wrote about a moment that changed everything. The story meandered through the past and the memories of my husband and moments of impact.

It ended with a thought about his calm acceptance of what everyone sees as my sudden decisions. I was trying at one point to explain how they aren’t really sudden even if they are. After leaving the Lanai to catch the bus home I went back to reading.

The chapter I read was The Third Thing. It talks about this very topic. That when you are torn between two things you need a third thing. Two things is not a choice. But a third will come and balance things out, offering the way forward. It appears sudden but it is the culmination of the process that the two things created.

my first meditation session with this group they talked about dealing with intense emotions and sadness. I cried on the way there and going to sleep for several nights before.
The next time we talked about what is and the whole talk meshed into what I read the days before. I had been reading Writing Down the Bones. The idea of using writing meditation as a path to not following the thoughts and emotions when sitting meshed interestingly into the talk about sitting.
The last thing I read before one session was that a well that dashes about cannot draw water. We cannot do happiness, it flows through us in our stillness. I was a few minutes late and sat in stillness with the group. She talked about ending suffering and sharing love. We talked about enlightenment being a moment to moment thing not a permanent state. The balance of mind, and the four keys. She talked about the calm acceptance of what comes that you feel in enlightenment.
Saturday we sat on the ridge through the day. I was at a crossroads in my mind and emotional state. I had one of those two choices that need a third way. I didn’t realize that is what I needed. But in stillness I found a moment of peace and acceptance of what is. it didn’t change the situation but it let me see what is and reach a new possibility.

I went to the meditation Sunday lonely and sad but more at peace. Leaving , when she hurried over, obviously she had somewhere to be she was putting off, to give me a flower it struck a light in me. I’m not alone even if I have no close connection here. We are all one and connected. It is enough.

I don’t know what now but I do know I will be here for it.
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Homecoming

Travel is good, but it can get long and exhausting under stress, in bad weather, and with little money; moving long distances even more so. In recent years I have moved from Houston to Kerrville to return to university, from Kerrville to Honolulu after graduation, from honolulu to Kissimmee when I got married, from Kissimmee to Hempstead when it was clear that arrangement would not work for us, from Hempstead to Las Vegas in an effort to improve a crumbling life, and now from Las Vegas back to Hempstead to try and rebuild our life from the one foundation we have – our house, bad location and all. Deaths in the family and among friends, loss of jobs, changes in career, drastic climate changes, and many other things have chased every step of our journey. Our flood damaged house was redone on little to no budget and very little time. Vehicles found other homes, and friends quietly moved on. Health issues grew as health insurance disappeared, and pets strained our creativity in how to take care of injuries and illness. But overall, this is our life, this is our home, we know what and who is important, we are not bound by the things and places, we are free to design our own path.

With this in mind I return to a blog I walked away from to deal with life in deep consideration of what to do with it now. One thought is to start a second blog, devoted to my writing and leave this one as a place for my art. Another is to simply redesign this one and change direction, but I am loath to do that. I am fond of my blog and I still love Steampunk, even if the direction becomes more broad, I don’t think I want that to go away. Either way, the description needs to develop as my needs have developed. I want a more broad art outlet though, and I want a place to show more of my writing. Thus I come to the possibility of 2 blogs rather than one.

We returned to an almost empty home that needed minor repair from our absence and the projects we lacked time to complete previously, but no jobs and no money. Yet, here we are – we eat well and continue to upgrade our house as we look for work. Our cats are happy and well fed, even if they insist on getting into spiders and snakes. We stretch and bend to make it work and we know something will happen if we continue to consistently work of rebuilding our lives – again.